Why One Bad Presentation Can Make the Next One Feel Terrifying
You've given a lot of presentations without much thought. Then one afternoon, a few minutes into an update you could have given in your sleep, someone asks a question you weren't expecting, your mind goes white, and you hear yourself say "um" four times before anything useful comes out. You get through it, and maybe nobody even mentions it, but the next time your name is on the agenda, your stomach drops a week before, and you start wondering where the confident person you used to be went.
I know this one so well. When I was little, my mom would pat my head and say, "Oh, she's so shy, she's so shy, she's so shy," and every time she did, I got smaller and smaller and smaller. I couldn't raise my hand in school to answer a question. If the teacher called on me, I would be mortified. It was like a deer in the headlights, and I just wanted to be invisible.
It only took a few of those moments for my nervous system to decide that being called on was dangerous, and that shy little girl was with me in meeting rooms for years.
So if one rough presentation has you bracing for the next one, I totally get it.
Why Can One Bad Presentation Shake Your Confidence So Much?
Because your nervous system learns very fast when something feels dangerous, one moment of feeling exposed in front of people can be enough for it to decide that kind of situation is just too risky.
Its job is to keep you safe, and it pays far more attention to the one time something went wrong than to the hundred times things went fine. It remembers the details of the room, the faces, the question, and the heat in your cheeks, and the next time any of those show up, it gets ready. That's why dread can start days, weeks, or months before you ever speak, and why the next presentation can feel even more important, and terrifying, than the one that went badly.
If you'd like to experience what it feels like to prepare your nervous system to speak well, join us for our free workshop.
Why Am I Suddenly Afraid of Public Speaking When I Used to Be Fine?
Often, a recent embarrassing experience triggered something from the past. Somewhere back in time, your nervous system learned that being seen could be risky, and the bad presentation felt like proof it was right.
Before the next one, the voice in your head might sound something like this:
"What if it happens again?"
"I used to be good at this."
"Maybe I was never really good at it."
If a teammate told you they'd had one rough presentation, would you decide they had lost their ability for good? No! You would cheer them on, remind them of who they are, but do we do that to ourselves? Almost never. Instead, we berate ourselves on repeat for days.
Often we think the whole room is still thinking about our worst moment, but honestly, most of them were thinking about what they were going to say or their next meeting and didn’t even notice.
Will It Happen Again Next Time?
It doesn't have to. Every time you speak and your nervous system feels a little safer, you give it new evidence, and the old memory starts to lose its grip.
The tricky part is that the most natural responses can work against you. Turning down the next presentation tells your nervous system it was right to be afraid. Rehearsing it over and over while your heart pounds can do the same thing: if your body is in fight-or-flight every time you stand up, those reps teach it that speaking really is dangerous. And the more you rehearse failure in your head, the more likely it is to show up.
What helps is giving your nervous system different evidence.
How Do You Get Your Confidence Back After a Bad Presentation?
Start by settling your nervous system, and then give it new evidence before and after you speak.
Write down three things you did well. Yes, even about the presentation that went badly. Maybe you finished it, answered the next question, or showed up when it would have been easier to call in sick. Do it by hand, on real paper, because writing by hand connects thousands of neurons in your brain. You'll walk into the next one clear on three or more things you did well, and that's the evidence you want your nervous system to remember.
Write down the question you're dreading. If one question keeps coming up, write it by hand and write down your best answer in the moment, too. Seeing it on paper takes a lot of the intensity out, so it'll be easier to answer if someone does ask.
Move before you speak. You will never, and I mean never, think your way out of this. You have to move your body. Before your next presentation, move, and especially move your feet, to calm down. Then use your mind to channel that energy into success.
Create a ritual before speaking. Choose a ritual you can count on to ground you and bring you into the present, so your next presentation starts from a steadier place than the last one ended. Mine can be very simple. Before a workshop for 100+ people at one of the big tech companies, I’ll always work out first. My favorite is Kundalini yoga because it incorporates breathwork, or a HIIT class. Both can be found on YouTube.
When I get there, I park my car, look into my rearview mirror, connect with one eye, and say, "You're amazing! They're going to love you! You’re going to love them! It's going to be the best day ever!"
I then ask What will it take questions. I love them because they program your brain to give you what you want. Here are some examples: “What will it take to connect?” “What will it take to own the room?” “What will it take for the words to flow?” “What will it take for me to knock it out of the park?” “What will it take for this to be the best presentation or workshop I’ve ever given?”
THEN I look for evidence that they are true! That’s it. I don't figure out what it will take, and I can do this while I’m walking into the building. The last workshop I ran at Meta rated me a 9.5 out of 10, and the biggest reason they were disappointed was that it wasn't long enough. I’ll take that any day of the week!
When Is It More Significant Than One Bad Day?
When dread shows up before every presentation or cross-functional meeting, and you've started saying no to things because of it. That usually means a pattern is stuck in your nervous system, and you can release it.
I use a simple emotional scale with my clients. Zero is neutral and minus ten is extreme. If you're around a minus three or four, the practices above, plus practicing somewhere that feels very safe, like a fantastic Toastmasters club, may be all you need. If you're at a minus five or beyond, your nervous system is likely going into fight, flight, or freeze, and that's when it makes sense to get help.
Janet Kim once told her manager at Stanford, "If you make me speak at an all-hands meeting, I'll quit." After working with us, she was asked to speak the very next day, and she said, "Sure, no problem," and spoke to 100 people. She later gave a TEDx talk, and people said it was the best of the event. GO Janet!!
If one moment is still running the show for you, CORE Repatterning is the fastest modality I've ever seen to clear the past, and some people feel a change in a single session.
Questions I'm Asked
What if my mind goes blank again in the middle of my next presentation?
Press your feet into the floor, exhale first, and repeat back part of the question. If you need a moment, say, "Give me a second on that." Look up and ask yourself, “What do I really want to say?” Taking a breath and pausing immediately signals that you deserve to be in that room, and your audience will never notice the pause the way you do.
Should I avoid presenting for a while until my confidence comes back?
Waiting usually makes the next one feel even bigger. Look for a chance to speak somewhere that feels safe, like a small team update, so your nervous system gets new evidence as quickly as possible. If you're at a minus five or beyond, get help first so you aren't white-knuckling it alone.
How long does it take to feel confident again?
Many people feel a meaningful shift within two to four weeks of nervous system work, and some feel a change in a single session.
One Presentation Doesn't Get to Decide
That presentation happened, and it was one presentation. What would it take for you to walk into the next one as yourself, and let it be what it is?
If you'd like us to walk beside you as you rebuild your confidence, join our next free 90-minute workshop, The Speaking Workshop for People Who Dread Speaking Workshops. It's virtual on Tuesday, October 27th and again on Tuesday, November 10th, both at 11:00 am PT. Nobody is ever put on the spot. You'd be so welcome here. Save your seat here. If you'd rather talk one-to-one first, book a free Speaker Breakthrough Call.
I believe in you!
