7 Public Speaking Mistakes Smart People Make Without Realizing It

"Hi, um, my name is… I'm just so happy to be here today, and, ah, today I'm going to talk about…"

You've watched countless people open this way, and maybe you've done it yourself. Around the second "um," people start checking their phones, and because the speaker feels the intensity rising in their chest, it becomes even harder to get the words out.

I've made nearly every mistake there is to make. At Hewlett-Packard, I was so frightened of presenting that I literally paid other people to speak for me. Yes, really. So when I see someone struggling up there, I have nothing but love for them, because I know how hard they're working to stay standing.

Here's what I've learned since those days. Most public speaking mistakes come from a nervous system that doesn't feel safe yet, which is why tips alone rarely fix anything. So as you read these seven common mistakes, I'd love for you to notice which ones are familiar, because every one of them can change, often faster than people expect.

If you'd like to feel what it's like to speak from a settled body, join us at our free workshop on Tuesday, October 27th.

What Are the Most Common Public Speaking Mistakes?

The seven I see most often are calming down too late, opening with filler, memorizing every word, rushing through a pause, shrinking your body, judging yourself afterward, and rehearsing the words without feeling them in your heart. Each one has a simple fix, and each fix starts in the body.

1. Trying to Calm Down Five Minutes Before You Speak

Most people wait until they're backstage, palms sweaty and heart pounding, to start breathing deeply, and by then their nervous system is already in fight-or-flight. One of the most important things you can do is to regulate yourself often.

Practice settling yourself on days when nothing is at stake, and create a ritual before speaking that you can count on to ground you and bring you into the present.

Here's mine. I use HeartMath breathing and the Inner Balance Coherence Plus biofeedback system to help me shift into heart-brain coherence. Here's their website to find out more: https://store.heartmath.com/innerbalance

Then I imagine I'm speaking to the room and receive a standing ovation, even though it may have never happened for anyone before. When the big day comes, your body/mind/spirit is ready.

When it is five minutes before I speak, I’ll feel my feet on the floor and take three deep breaths, pausing at the top and at the bottom, with the exhale twice as long as the inhale, while I repeat three times each: "I am safe," "I am loved," and "I will get the information I need, when I need it."

I then say, “I don’t know what I’m going to say, but it’s going to be GREAT!!”

2. Opening With Filler and Apologies

"Good morning, ah, everyone, I hope you're doing well, ah, and um…" sends a message of uncertainty to you and your audience. It happens because those little fillers buy your nervous system a few more seconds before you have to really be seen. Instead, take a breath, put on a big smile, and say, "Good morning! I'm happy to report that we're making great progress on our project!" Simple, clear, and strong. I wrote more about this in what executive presence really means.

3. Memorizing Every Single Word

When you memorize a script, one interruption or unexpected question can knock it all out of your head. Nikki, a Toastmasters member who was a star in our training, put it perfectly: "I never feared public speaking; I feared speaking without preparation." Toastmasters helped her with structure and delivery, and she still froze whenever she was called on without notice. In her words, "I didn't need to memorize a speech. I needed to feel confident grabbing the mic with no idea what I'm going to say, and still pack a punch with my message."

So practice the two or three sections that matter most, and let the rest be a conversation. In our classes we even march around the room chanting, "I don't know what I'm going to say, but it's going to be great!" Nikki also said, "Sometimes the exercises felt a little 'woo-woo' at first, and I doubted they would really change me, BUT they worked!"

4. Rushing to Fill Every Second with Words

When your nervous system wants out of the spotlight, it speeds you up. Krishna used to speak as fast as the guy in the FedEx commercials, even one-on-one, and when he got nervous, he talked even faster. Halfway through Speak & Lead Like a Pro, he gave a talk to 500 people with perfectly measured pauses, connection, and a presence that filled the room. His CEO even gave him accolades.

A pause can feel like forever to you, and to your audience it feels like confidence. Taking a breath and pausing immediately signals that you deserve to be in that room. So what would it take to let one important sentence land before you rush on to the next?

5. Shrinking Your Body

Hands in pockets, shoulders up around your ears, eyes on the back wall. Your body often tells the room you'd rather be somewhere else long before you say a word. When I see someone curled in like this, I know their nervous system is simply trying to make them smaller and safer, and I so want them to know they're allowed to take up space. Take up space with your body and your pauses, keep your posture strong and your face relaxed, and speak so the person farthest away can hear you. And because you can't think your way out of nervousness, move your body, especially your feet, before you begin.

6. Judging Yourself All the Way Home

So many capable people walk off the stage and straight into a three-day shame spiral, picking apart every word on the drive home. I'd love for you to try something different next time. Write down by hand three things you did well, and walk into your next talk with them. I go deeper into this in my post on why we replay conversations in our heads.

7. Rehearsing the Words but Never the Feeling

Most people practice what they'll say but never decide how they want to feel while saying it. Before you speak, decide how you want your audience to walk away feeling, and speak from that place.

Asha, who worked at one of the big Silicon Valley tech companies, felt anxiety at a minus eight out of ten before two presentations to audiences of 500 in India. She feared losing her job over a botched presentation. After our work together, she delivered with poise, received exceptional feedback, and is now excited to speak at any conference that will move her career forward. Imagine that, going from dreading the stage to looking for the next one. GO Asha!!

When Is It More Significant Than a Few Bad Habits?

When the mistakes keep coming back no matter how many tips you try. That's usually a sign that a pattern is held in place in your nervous system, and you can release it.

On my emotional scale, zero is neutral and minus ten is extreme. At a minus three or four, practicing somewhere that feels very safe, like a fantastic Toastmasters club, may be all you need. At minus five or beyond, your body is likely going into fight, flight, or freeze, and that's when it makes sense to get help. Over 98% of our students experience life-changing results, and I think so often about all the brilliant people who never try because they've decided this is just who they are. You shouldn't have to white-knuckle every presentation for the rest of your career.

If you'd love to change this alongside people just like you, Speak & Lead Like a Pro starts again in January: six weeks, live, interactive, and in-person or online.

Questions I'm Asked

Should I tell myself I'm excited when I'm actually nervous?

Yes, because fear and excitement are the same energy, and how it shows up in your body depends on what you are thinking.

Do I need to practice in front of a mirror?

It can help, especially if you look yourself in the eyes with kindness and enthusiasm instead of judgment. What matters most is practicing somewhere you feel safe enough to make mistakes. I find recording yourself even better. Just watch it the first time through without sound. It’ll be easier on you if you dread seeing yourself speak.

How long does it take to stop making these mistakes?

During our trainings, many feel a difference after a single session, and many people feel a meaningful shift within two to four weeks of nervous system work.

Your Voice Deserves to Be Heard

Which of these seven did you recognize in yourself, and which one would change the most for you if it disappeared?

If you'd like us to walk beside you as these challenges fall away, join our next free 90-minute workshop, The Speaking Workshop for People Who Dread Speaking Workshops. It's virtual on Tuesday, October 27th at 11:00 am PT. Nobody is ever put on the spot. You'd be so welcome here. Save your seat .

If you'd rather talk one-to-one first, book a free Speaker Breakthrough Call, where we'll have a real conversation about what's been going on and how to get to the other side.

You can do this! ❤️