Why Does Public Speaking Leave You So Exhausted?
"It went fine."
That's what you tell your family over dinner, and it's true. People nodded, someone even said "great job," and nothing went wrong. So why do you feel like you just ran a marathon, and why couldn't you string two clear thoughts together for the rest of the afternoon?
Gosh, that was me for years. The techniques got me through the moment, but I'd go home completely drained, and I honestly thought that was just the price everyone paid for speaking. Then I learned to calm my nervous system, and the drained feeling that followed every talk went with it. I wish, wish, wish someone had told me back then that speaking didn't have to cost me the rest of my day.
So if a twenty-minute presentation wipes you out for the rest of the day, your body has been working far harder than it needed to, and the good news is that it doesn't have to stay that way.
If you'd like to feel what it's like to speak without paying that price afterward, come join us at our free workshop on Tuesday, October 27th.
Why Does Public Speaking Leave Me So Exhausted?
Because your body has likely been bracing the whole time, and bracing takes a tremendous amount of energy. The talking itself is usually the smallest part of what wore you out.
Think about everything that happened before you said a single word. Maybe you slept badly the night before, or ran through your opening and closing in the shower and again in the car. Then the moment arrives, and the first minute or so is typically the hardest, because that's when the nerves surge and it's difficult to think clearly. Once the crazy rush of adrenaline subsides, it still takes a lot of energy to match that of your audience, plus the hyper focus on saying things just right can drain your battery. Your shoulders tighten, your breath gets shallow, your hands won't stay still, and your body stays on high alert until the very last question is answered.
That's hours of running on pure grit. Oh, sweet soul, of course you're tired.
Why Am I Still Tired When It Went Well?
Because your body decides whether a moment is dangerous long before your mind decides how it went. A great outcome is good news for your career, and your nervous system may still be bracing for danger.
Fear of speaking is your body protecting you. At some point, maybe in a classroom or a meeting long ago, being seen felt unsafe, and your body has been gearing up for that same danger whenever you stand up to speak ever since. You shouldn't have to hold on for dear life to get through a presentation, and then spend your whole evening recovering from it.
I have so much compassion for people who tell me they need the entire evening to recover from a ten-minute update, because that was me for years. So when you collapse on the couch after a meeting that went well, what do you think your body is still bracing for?
One practice I have all my students do as soon as they finish speaking is to immediately identify three things they did well. For example, were you connected, made great eye contact, used your body to emphasize your points, smiled, PAUSED, changed the tone or speed of your voice, spoke from your heart instead of your head, were you open (instead of guarded), did you project your voice, did you enunciate well, were your shoulders back and chin level, were your points clear, did you feel like yourself and comfortable in the spotlight, did you have fun, etc.
Will More Practice Make It Less Draining?
It depends on what your body is doing while you practice. Practice helps a lot when you're already fairly settled, and it can work against you when you're not.
For my graduates, I always recommend joining a fantastic Toastmasters club to practice, and in fact I was a Toastmasters President myself for five years, so I know the difference they can make. Technique works beautifully for people whose bodies are already calm. But if your body is in fight or flight every time you stand up, all those reps teach it that speaking really is dangerous, and you keep paying for it afterward.
Here's the order of things to becoming more resilient: identify the root cause of the fear and eliminate it, settle the body, get clear on your strengths and core values, and then practice somewhere that feels very safe.
What Can I Do So Speaking Drains Me Less?
Give your body something steady to count on before you speak, and something true to stand on while you do. Here's what I'd love for you to try.
Create a ritual before you speak. Pick something you can count on to ground you and get you present, and use it every single time, before a board presentation and before a Monday stand-up alike. This can be a good sweaty workout, kundalini yoga, breath work, mirror work, asking questions like "What will it take for me to speak with ease?" "What will it take for the words to flow?" "What will it take for me to be calm, present and connected?" The beauty is you don't have to figure out what it will take. Just ask the questions and gratefully expect to find evidence for them.
Get clear on what you do well. Before you speak, know your strengths and your core values, so that when the nerves show up, you're standing on what's true about you.
Journal for five minutes about a core value to keep your cortisol level and to connect you with your true self. Then write down three qualities you have that make you a good human.
What Does It Feel Like When the Tension is Gone?
Lighter, in every sense. The constant low-level bracing that's been with you since your twenties is gone, and you get your evenings back for the people and things you love.
Today, when I walk into a room of 200 or more people I don't know, even at one of the big tech companies, I'm excited but not nervous. I almost never have anything scripted, and I just let it rip. Crazy but true!
My gift is seeing people and continuing to see them until they see themselves, and I've watched so many people find that lightness. Janet Kim once told her brand new manager at Stanford, "If you make me speak at an all-hands meeting, I'll quit." After the program, when she was asked to speak the very next day, she said, "Sure, no problem," and spoke to 100 people. Within a year, she was standing on that wonderful red dot giving a TEDx talk; something she thought she'd never do. Here's what she said, "Your program wrapped all of us in the most cozy blanket, and before we knew it, we all found our voices."
If you're ready for that kind of change, CORE Repatterning works on identifying and releasing the root cause of your fear in four private 90-minute sessions.
What People Often Ask Me
Is it normal to feel this exhausted after speaking? Very, and you're far from the only one. I hear it all the time from thoughtful, high-achieving people, and I lived it myself for years. It's your body coming down after hours on high alert.
Why does a short meeting tire me out more than a full day of work? Because most of your workday doesn't ask you to be seen the way speaking does, and being seen is exactly what your body has been guarding against.
How long does it take for this to change with CORE Repatterning? Usually faster than people expect. Some feel a difference after a single session, and a meaningful shift often comes within two to four weeks of nervous system work.
You Deserve to Feel Good Afterward
Imagine finishing a presentation and walking out with plenty of energy left for your family, your friends and the rest of your day. What would you do with all the energy you've been spending on bracing, and who would get to enjoy more of you?
If you'd like to experience our work, come to our next free 90-minute workshop, The Speaking Workshop for People Who Dread Speaking Workshops. It's virtual on Tuesday, October 27th at 11:00 am PT. We keep it small on purpose so everyone gets time to speak, and nobody is ever put on the spot. You'd be so welcome. Save your seat here.
If you'd rather talk one to one first, book a free Speaker Breakthrough Call, where we'll have a real conversation about what's been going on and what might actually help.
Your voice has been waiting a long time. ❤️
