Why Does Talking About Your Accomplishments Feel Like Bragging?

"Describe your key accomplishments."

If you've been staring at that little box in your self-review this month, you're in very good company. You type "helped with," "supported" and "contributed to," you read it back, and then you delete the best parts because they sound like bragging. Then you close the laptop with a knot in your stomach and promise to finish it tomorrow.

Gosh, I totally get it, because for years I organized my whole identity around being the quiet one and a great listener. I built a professional identity around being thoughtful and considered, which was genuine, but it was also a very elegant cover for a nervous system that had decided full visibility was dangerous. I had plenty to say, and I didn't believe it was safe to say it, least of all about myself. I think about that younger me with so much love now.

So if writing one honest paragraph about your own work makes your chest go tight, it's a conditioned response, which means it can change, often a lot quicker than people expect.

Why Does Talking About My Accomplishments Feel Like Bragging?

Because talking about your wins means being seen, and somewhere back in time your nervous system learned that being seen could be risky. So when you write "I led the project" in plain words, your body reacts as if you just stepped out in front of a crowd.

Maybe you were told as a kid not to show off, or someone made fun of you the one time you were proud of something and said it out loud. Maybe nobody said anything at all, and you just learned that the safest place was the back of the room. Your nervous system hasn't caught up with the fact that you're a grown professional with a year of good work behind you, so it keeps pulling you back to "helped with."

If you'd like to feel the difference in your own body when you approach things differently, come join us at our free workshop on Tuesday, October 13th.

Why Can I Praise My Team So Easily but Not Myself?

Because praising someone else feels generous, and praising yourself feels exposed.

It breaks my heart every time someone tells me they wrote "helped with" about a project they practically carried on their back, because I know exactly how small that feels. I'll bet you could write three glowing paragraphs about a teammate in ten minutes flat. You'd name exactly what they did, how hard it was, and what it made possible for everyone else. So why does your own work, which was every bit as hard, get squeezed down to "supported"?

What Does My Manager Actually Need From My Self-Review?

A clear, honest picture of what you did and what changed because of it.

Often we think writing about our wins makes us look full of ourselves, but honestly, the person reading it most often just wants to understand what you did this year. They definitely aren't scoring you the way you score yourself!! You shouldn't have to shrink your best year down to "helped with" because saying what you really did makes your heart pound.

I always say your reason for finding your voice has to be bigger than you. Maybe it's your family, or a cause close to your heart, or earning the promotion you deserve so you can become a bigger contribution to others. So who would benefit if you wrote this review as if your work really mattered?

How Do I Talk About My Accomplishments Without Feeling Fake?

Settle your body first, then get clear on your strengths, and then put them into simple sentences. In that order, the words come a lot easier.

Move before you write. Before you open the review, get up and move your body, especially your feet, to calm down. Then use your mind to channel that energy into what you want to say.

Pick your two or three. I'd love for you to choose the two or three things you're proudest of this year and write one sentence for each. One sentence is enough to say what you did and what changed, and it keeps you from burying a big result under a paragraph of "we" and "helped."

Write the question you're dreading by hand. If there's a question you're dreading, like "What was your biggest contribution this year?", write it out by hand on real paper, and then write your truest answer underneath. Writing by hand takes some of the intensity out of it, so by the time someone actually asks, it'll be easier to answer.

What If I Have to Talk About It In The Review Meeting?

Get grounded in the first few seconds, because that's usually when your nerves are on edge and what you want to say is more difficult to find.

When your manager asks, "So, how do you think this year went?", priority number one is that you've got to get out of your head and get grounded. Press your feet into the floor, exhale first, and repeat back part of the question. Then start with the first of those sentences you wrote by hand, because your body has already practiced saying it.

And if your voice shakes a little, let it. For a long time I had to learn to trust that my voice was okay, even when it shook, and yours can be too. By the way, your audience will rarely detect it.

When Is It More Than Ordinary Discomfort?

When it keeps you from putting your name forward at all. If you've underplayed your work in review after review, or passed on opportunities so you wouldn't have to talk about yourself, a pattern is likely being held in place, and it can be released.

On my emotional scale, zero is neutral and minus ten is extreme. If the self-review makes you a little uncomfortable, a minus three or four, practicing somewhere that feels very safe may be all you need. If you're at a minus five or beyond and your body is going into fight, flight or freeze over one paragraph, that's when it makes sense to get some help.

Rosa, a senior product leader for over a decade, used to walk into a meeting with three ideas and walk out having said none of them. After our work together, she spoke first at a leadership offsite, and she told me, "I didn't feel brave. I just felt like myself."

If you'd love to find your authentic voice alongside people who are just like you, Speak & Lead Like a Pro starts again in January, six weeks, live and interactive, in-person or online.

Questions I'm Asked

Is it bragging to list my accomplishments in a review? Sharing what you truly did, is giving your manager information they need. And you need this too. It's a great way to fuel your confidence and competence.

Do I have to become a self-promoter to get promoted? You've got to be able to not only show your accomplishments on paper, but speak about them in relation to the job you are going for as well. You never have to become someone you're not, but you do need to feel safe enough being seen.

What if my mind goes blank in the review meeting? Come back to your feet and your first sentence. You wrote it, you know it down, and you're allowed to take a breath and glance at your notes.

You Deserve To Own Your Accomplishments

You did the work this year, and you know it better than anyone. So what would it take for you to write it down clearly, speak it, and let it represent you?

If you'd like to have us walk beside you so doing a self-review becomes easy, come to our next free 90-minute workshop, The Speaking Workshop for People Who Dread Speaking Workshops. It's virtual on Tuesday, October 13th at 11:00 am PT. We keep it small on purpose so everyone gets time to speak, and nobody is ever put on the spot. You'd be so welcome. Save your seat here.

If you'd rather talk one to one first, book a free Speaker Breakthrough Call, where we'll have a real conversation about what's been going on and how to get to the other side.

I believe in you! ❤️